daveberta.ca - Alberta Politics and Elections

We think the world needs more poet laureates.

…and his non-sex marriage followers can be found here.

new committee to crack down on freeloaders

For Immediate Release
August 18, 2005

EDMONTON- In a surprise pre-emptive assault, daveberta’s Ministry of Water, Fish, and Blog Comments has announced the creation of a new anti-spam committee named “Operation Spam Comments smell like dead gophers.”

This accessible, affordable, innovative, and entrepreneurial program will be headed by highly respected super-mega rock star Sabastian Bach.

Mr. Bach, who has freshly returned from a tour of the Middle East, will be joined on the committee by such hard hitting enforcers as Vince Neil, and former Canadian Member of Parliament Clarence Decantur Howe.

Daveberta Minister of Water, Fish, and Blog Comments praised the creation of the committee as “the worst thing to happen to spam commenters since Babylon 5 was cancelled.”

The Minister continued, “eight to ten spam comments a day is simply unacceptable. We fully expect the combined wit and superpowers of the three committee members to form an unbearable force to be reckoned with. This committee will be the most affordable and accessible anti-spam committee in the country. I promise that.”

Some of the tactics expected to be used by the new “enforcer committee” include wet noodle lashings, mouth soap washing, wedgies, blocking of anonymous comments, egging of houses, and tactical nuclear strikes.

-30-

For More Information Contact
daveberta media centre
daveberta@linuxmail.org

…is happening over at the Urban Dictionary. Make sure to join in on the fight.

Props to Rob over at Five of Five for the link.

UPDATE!

Because silly right-wing Emil can’t seem to see through the layers upon layers of sarcasm in this blog, we have decided to post other epic battles, which can be found here, here, and especially here (we voted for #3 on this one- “ndp is hott as balls yo“).

ANOTHER UPDATE!

Another epic (and entertaining) battle… just because we live in Edmonton….

This week’s blog of the week is none other than the awesome blog known as Section 15.

Sec15 is one of our daily reads. Mark’s posts are entertaining and insightful as he covers national and international current events.

Make sure to check it out.

D 🙂

daveberta calls on right-wing blogger to come clean on his secret agenda of non-sex marriage

For Immediate Release
August 15, 2005

EDMONTON- Following today’s shocking accusations from right-wing blogger and Anne Cools-a-holic, Anonalogue, daveberta is calling on the Blogging Tory member to come clean on his secret agenda.

In an email dated Monday, August 15, 2005, Mr. Anonalogue denounced the wonderful chris-face original Southparkization of daveberta’s Editor-in-Chief. In his email, Mr. Anonalogue cried that he was “shocked and outraged” and that “the word ‘Liberal’ does not belong in the same .jpeg as an assault rifle.“

Anonalogue continued his rant with bold statements that “[t]here is no such thing as a South Park Liberal…” only “…South Park Conservatives,” and that “[y]ou can be a Liberal. Or you can be a South Park fan. But you cannot be a Liberal and a South Park fan.“

Earlier today, Mr. Anonalogue continued to pontificate his cartoon-induced rage in the comment section of the great blog known as daveberta by “DEMAND[ing]” that the editors of daveberta remove the “viciously heteronomative… picture from his website and replace it with a… less heterosexual image more befitting of a gun registry and gay marriage supporter, like this.”

Daveberta’s Editor-in-Chief responded, “Mr. Anonalogue’s attack on chris-face’s masterpiece is an attack on all artists and freedom lovers. We are incredibly proud of the work which Mr. face has done and feel privileged to have graced his artistic vision. This right-wing blogger is clearly on a mission to spread the dark ideas of mumbo-jumboism. One day he professes his love for libertarianism and Anne Cools, and then denounces freedom of the arts in the next.“

The Editor-in-Chief continued “it is quite clear that Mr. Anonalogue’s statements regarding the ‘vicious heteronomative’ images in the masterpiece are signs of his secret agenda of implementing non-sex marriage in Canada.“

In response to this shocking revelation, Daveberta’s Editorial Board unanimously endorsed the following statement: “Conservative ducks such as Mr. Anonalogue have lost their battle against same-sex marriage and now they want to ruin it for everyone by imposing non-sex marriage. Not only is the principle of non-sex marriage clearly opposed by a majority of the human race, it’s just not cool. We will fight against Anonalogist non-sex marriage to the bitter end. It’s just not natural.“

For More Information Contact:
daveberta media centre
daveberta@linuxmail.org

FOR IMEDIATE RELEASE

Anonalogue promoting mumbo-jumboism
daveberta calls on right-winger to come clean on his secret agenda of non-sex marriage

EDMONTON- Following today’s shocking accusations from right-wing blogger and Anne Cools-a-holic, Anonalogue, daveberta is calling on the Blogging Tory member to come clean on his secret agenda.

In an email dated Monday, August 15, 2005, Mr. Anonalogue denounced the wonderful chris-face original Southparkization of daveberta’s Editor-in-Chief. In his email, Mr. Anonalogue ranted that he was “shocked and outraged” and that “the word ‘Liberal’ does not belong in the same .jpeg as an assault rifle.”

Anonalogue continued his rant with the bold statements that “[t]here is no such thing as a South Park Liberal…” only “…South Park Conservatives,” and that “[y]ou can be a Liberal. Or you can be a South Park fan. But you cannot be a Liberal and a South Park fan.”

Earlier today, Mr. Anonalogue continued to pontificate his cartoon-induced rage in the comment section of the great blog known as daveberta with the “DEMAND[ing]” that the editors of daveberta remove the “viciously heteronomative… picture from his website and replace it with a… less heterosexual image more befitting of a gun registry and gay marriage supporter, like this.”

Daveberta’s Editor-in-Chief responded, “Mr. Anonalogue’s attack on chris-face’s masterpiece is an attack on all artists and freedom lovers. This gentleman is clearly on a mission to spread the dark ideas of mumbo-jumboism. One day he professes his love for libertarianism and Anne Cools, and then denounces it the next.” The Editor-in-Chief continued “it is quite clear that Mr. Anonalogue’s statements regarding the ‘vicious heteronomative’ images in the masterpiece are signs of his secret agenda of implementing non-sex marriage in Canada.“

Daveberta’s Editorial Board unanimously endorsed the following statement: “Conservative ducks such as Mr. Anonalogue have lost their battle against same-sex marriage and now they want to ruin it for us all. Not only is the principle of non-sex marriage clearly opposed by a majority of the human race, it’s just not cool and we will fight against Anonalogist non-sex marriage to the bitter end. It’s just not natural.“

—30—

For more information contact
daveberta media centre
daveberta@linuxmail.org

Yes, you read the title correctly.

From today’s Globe & Mail.

“Ukraine, Georgia fuming over planned Russian sex film

By GRAEME SMITH
Monday, August 15, 2005 Page A10

MOSCOW — Alexei Mitrofanov, deputy leader of Russia’s Liberal Democratic Party, says he cannot understand the ruckus over his dirty movie.

What’s so wrong, he asks, about writing a film script that imagines a steamy rendezvous between a buxom woman named Yulia and a darkly handsome gentleman named Mikhail?

What does it matter if the porn star selected for the role of Yulia wears the same braided hairstyle as Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko? Or that she climbs into a Russian attack helicopter, zooms over the mountains along Georgia’s northern border and makes love to someone who resembles Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili?“

You can read the rest of the article here.

Crazy Russians.

Snapshots of a weekend in Banff at the Council of the Federation.

Campbell: “Yo digity! West-coast!”
Doer: “I came all the way to Alberta to wear a garbage bag???”

Klein: “Don’t f*** with Alberta!”

Lord: “tee hee hee!”
Charest: “Bless you my children. Tonight, I shall part the Red Sea.”
McGuinty: “Why did I leave Toronto, again? Only two more days. Two more days. Two more days…”

Calvert: “So I says to Mabel, I says…”

“Goin’ off the rails on the crazy train (with the fine china)…”

Has anybody noticed how aged some of Canada’s provincial Premiers look?

Sask Premier Lorne Calvert

Alberta Premier Ralph Klein

Nova Scotia Premier John Hamm

BC Premier Gordon Campbell

and kind of…

PEI Premier Pat Binns

We thought this was pretty cool.

Apparently, Green Party of Canada Leader, Jim Harris (affectionately known to millions as: Jim who?) is hosting a pool party! The party, which is to celebrate the Green Party’s rise in the polls (which I’ve lost track of- the plethora of late has given me poll fatigue), is going to be held in Jim’s own backyard!

Now, we just think this is the coolest thing ever. When was the last time Paul Martin had a kegger at 24 Sussex, or Stephen Harper had a BBQ party at Stornoway? (maybe they have and we just don’t know about it).

*100% props to Lex Luthor for this one.*

We’re overtired, bored, and just got our internet connection set up in the new house. Henceforth, we decided to create this in celebration of our move to the south side of the river.

Please enjoy responsibly.

Sincerely,

daveberta editorial board.

*100% props are sent to Allie via Duncan for showing us this wonderful feature on that website.* 🙂

“Johnny Cash at San Quentin” has become our latest obsession. It’s on the office itunes, but we bought the CD this weekend. Sweet. Johnny Cash rocks.

A little busy this week (translation: less time to slack), so posting won’t be as frequent in the off-season of August.

BTW: One of the best song lyrics EVER…

Folsom Prison Blues

When I was just a baby,
My Mama told me, “Son,
Always be a good boy,
Don’t ever play with guns,”
But I shot a man in Reno,
Just to watch him die,
When I hear that whistle blowin’,
I hang my head and cry.

Canada‘s provincial Premiers will be meeting in Banff this week (August 10-12) to hold their annual golf tournament, which is also known as the “Council of the Federation.”

The week will start off with a train-ride from Calgary to Banff (see above).

According to the Globe & Mail:

“[d]eveloping a national plan on post-secondary education and training will top the agenda when the country’s provincial and territorial leaders gather this week in the Rocky Mountains for their annual meeting.”

Well, as much as we hope that they seriously discuss and take action on this issue, we’re willing to bet that it won’t take long before the meeting becomes another bickerfest between the provinces and the feds.

PREMTIVE NOTE TO PREMIERS AND FEDS: Both of your funds come from the same taxpayer. Quit acting like 8 year-olds and start some action on PSE!

You can find more info on the “Council of the Federation” annual golf conference in Banff here.

Thanks to the incredible chris-face for this wonderful South Parkization of daveberta’s Editor in Chief.

BTW: To the ladies, in real life, his guns are way bigger. Watch out for his guns. They’ll getcha. 😛